FunnyMail — nothing serious —  one a day (most days)

for the serious stuff there’s mostly non-neutral politics at my other blog hepsy.wordpress.com

caution: FunnyMail not always suitable for children

Dear Taxpayer

Cc: recipient list not shown: ;
Reply-To:
From: “refund@ato.gov.au”
Subject: Australian Taxation Office (ATO) refund
Date: Mon, 8 Feb 2010 20:02:25 -0500
X-Sent-To: [me, a US born, US citizen from conception]

Dear Taxpayer,

After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have
determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund of $650.90.

Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 6-9 days in order
to process it.

A refund can be delayed for a variety of reasons.
For example submitting invalid records or applying after the deadline.

To access your tax refund, use the form attached to this email.

Regards,
Australian Taxation Office

SPAM :)

name calling

Windows File Protection

fashion

A Winter Poem

CA says, “I found this beautiful winter poem and thought it might be a comfort to you.  It was to me and it’s very well written and I hope that you enjoy it too.”


WINTER

by Abigail Elizabeth McIntyre

Shit It’s Cold

The End

-thanks, CA

Man Fatally Shoots Self While Teaching Girlfriend Lesson on Gun Safety

A Missouri man who was teaching his girlfriend about firearm safety on Friday pointed a gun at his head to prove a point and accidentally shot himself dead.

Given the name or the victim and the stupidity of the following incident, you’d almost think this story was made up.

Then again, it did occur in Jefferson County, Missouri.

Today Jeff-Co Sheriff Oliver “Glenn” Boyer reports that 40-year-old James Looney accidentally shot himself to death last Friday, September 18, while teaching his girlfriend a lesson on firearm safety.

The incident occurred in a residence in Imperial — about 20 miles south of St. Louis. According to witnesses, Looney’s teaching method involved him placing the gun to his head and asking his girlfriend if the gun would go off.

Looney apparently did this with two other firearms and varied safety mechanisms, before the last one actually fired into his head. He was transported to an area hospital, where he was pronounced dead the next morning.

And the kicker? Witnesses say Looney was going to take his girlfriend to the shooting range the next day, but insisted on firearm safety the day prior.

PRESS RELEASE
Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office
P.O. Box 100 – Hillsboro, MO 63050
Oliver “Glenn” Boyer, Sheriff
www.jcsd.org

Sheriff Oliver “Glenn” Boyer reports that on 9-18-09, Sheriff’s Deputies responded to 4307 Rock Valley Court in Imperial, Missouri for an accidental shooting.

According to the investigation, the victim James Looney, W/M, age 40, an Imperial resident, was teaching his girlfriend firearm safety.

According to the witness, James Looney would show the different safety mechanisms, put the gun to his head, and ask if the gun would go off. Looney apparently did this with two other weapons and varied safety mechanisms, before the last one went off.

Looney was transported to an area hospital, where he was pronounced dead the next morning. According to witnesses, Looney was going to take his girlfriend to the shooting range the next day, but insisted on firearm safety the day prior.

they walk among us

I was at the checkout of a K-Mart. The clerk rang up $46.64
charge. I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64.
I gave it back to her andtold her that she had made a mistake in
MY favor and gave her the money back. She became indignant and
informed me she was educated and knew what she was doing, and
returned the money again. I gave her the money back again…same
scenario! I departed the store with the $46.64. This actually
happened to me in Austin at MoPac Blvd and Parmer Lane.

–They Walk Amongst Us and Many Work Retail.

I walked into a Starbucks with a buy-one-get-one-free coupon fora Grande Latte. I handed it to the girl and she looked over at a little chalkboard that said “buy one-get one free.” “They’re already buy-one-get-one-free”, she said, “so I guess they’re both free” She handed me my free Lattes and I walked out the door.

–They Walk Amongst Us and Many Work Retail.

One day I was walking! down the beach with some friends when one of them shouted, “Look at that dead bird!” Someone looked up at the sky and said, “Where?”

–They Walk Amongst Us!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent
which direction was north because, he explained, he didn’t want
the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, “Does the sun
rise in the north?” When my brother explained that the sun rises in
the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said,
“Oh I don’t keep up with that stuff.”

–They Walk Amongst Us!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One
day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call
center was open. I told him, “The number you dialed is open 24
hours a day, 7 days a week.” He responded, “Is that Eastern or
Pacific time?! ” Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh,
Pacific.”

–They Walk Amongst Us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car designed to cut through a
seatbelt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk of her car.

– They Walk Amongst Us!

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases
were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.
The cashier >multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount.

– They Walk Among Us!

I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area, so I went to
the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never
showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a
trained professional and I was in good hands. “Now,” she asked me,
has your plane >arrived yet?”

– They Walk Amongst Us!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a
small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him
if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it
for some time before responding. “Just cut it into 4 pieces;
I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.”

– Yep, They Walk Amongst Us!

They walk among us and voted for Change!

-thanx, DvS

End of Civilization

endofcivilzation

endofcivilzation

This movie requires Adobe Flash for playback.

SHAFTED and SCREWed

Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown in the economy, Congress has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 50 years of age and above on early retirement, thus creating jobs and reducing une mployment.

This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early).

Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to Congress to be considered for th e SHAFT program (Special Help After Forced Termination).

Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW program (System Covering Retired-Early Workers).

A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Con gress deems appropriate.

Persons who have been RAPED could get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance).

Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Congress.

Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Congress has always prided the mselves on the amount of SHIT they give our citizens.

Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring this to the attention of your Congressman, who has been trained to give you all the SHIT you can handle.

Sincerely,
The Committee for Economic Value of Individual Lives (E.V.I.L.)

PS – - Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of th e Tunnel has been turned off.

-from JS

Marine Pride

This came from a Marine’s wife.

I sat, as did millions of
Other Americans, and watched as the government
Underwent a peaceful transition
Of power a few months ago. At first, I felt a swell
Of pride and patriotism while
Barack Obama took his Oath of office.

However, all that pride
Quickly vanished as I later watched 21 Marines,
In full dress uniform with rifles,
Fire a 21-gun salute to the President. It was then
That I realized how far
America ’s Military had deteriorated.

Everyone of them missed.

-from RK

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