Useful Dog Tricks

thanks ES
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Yep, it’s almost Spring!

-from RK

Grimmy Tests FedEx

flying dog

In This Life I’m a Woman

-DvS

Instructions on how to clean your toilet

1. Put both lids of the toilet up and add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl.

2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.

3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids.
You may need to stand on the lid.

4. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.

5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a “power-wash” and rinse”.

6. Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door.

7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.

8. The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry himself off.

9. Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean.

Sincerely

The Dog

-from NW

 

Classifieds

Classifieds

These  classifieds actually ran in a Minneapolis newspaper – a smile for your  day….

FREE  YORKSHIRE TERRIER
8-years old. Hateful little bastard. Bites!

FREE  PUPPIES:
1/2  Cocker Spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog.

FREE  PUPPIES
Mother,  AKC German Shepherd.
Father,  Super Dog…able to leap tall fences in a single bound.

FOUND DIRTY WHITE DOG
Looks like a rat. Been out a while.  Better be a big reward..

COWS: NEVER BRED
Also 1 gay bull for sale..

NORDIC TRACK
$300 Hardly used, call Chubby.

GEORGIA PEACHES
California grown – 89 cents/lb.

JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
Must sell washer and dryer $300.

WEDDING DRESS FOR SALE
Worn once by mistake. Call Stephanie.

And the best one?

FOR SALE BY OWNER:
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica, 45 volumes. Excellent condition – $1,000 or best offer. No longer needed, Got married last month. Wife knows everything.

-thanks CA

Jesus is watching you

A burglar broke into a Christian Family’s home one night.
He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables; when he heard, a strange voice echoing from the dark saying, ‘Jesus is watching you.’
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze.
After awhile when he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, ‘Jesus is watching you.’
Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice and finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
Did you say that?’ He whispered to the parrot.
‘Yep,’ the parrot squawked, ‘I’m just trying to warn you.’
The burglar relaxed. ‘Warn me, huh? And what is your name?’
‘Moses,’ replied the bird.
‘Moses?’ the burglar laughed.
‘What kind of family would name a bird Moses?’
‘ The same kind that would name a Rottweiler Jesus.’

-from CAR

mistakes without warranty

– borrowed from someone

Doggie Christmas Dreams

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