Stickman

RK sent this gateway to a cute stickman adventure… chick here.. and see how creative you are!!

(the link goes to http://www.drawastickman.com/)

NASA Satellite Falls on Car

a chuckle from ES

Doctors Smith and Jones

thanks, ES!

Two doctors, a psychiatrist and a proctologist, opened an office in a small town and
put up a sign reading: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors.”
The town council was not happy with the sign, so the doctors changed it to read, “Schizoids and Hemorrhoids.”

This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed
the sign to “Catatonics and High Colonics.” No go.

Next, they tried “Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives.” Thumbs down again.

Then came “Minds and Behinds.” Still no good.

Another attempt resulted in “Lost Souls and Butt Holes.” Unacceptable again!

So they tried “Analysis and Anal Cysts.” Not a chance.

“Nuts and Butts?” No way.

“Freaks and Cheeks?” Still no go.

“Loons and Moons?” Forget it.

Almost at their wit’s end, the doctors finally came up with: “Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones,
Odds and Ends.”

Everyone loved it.

Fun on the Farm

RK sent this one

Jello Worms for Halloween :)

just in time for Halloween! from GAR

Ingredients

100 flexible plastic straws
(The straws with a bendable neck make the most realistic worms by adding ridges to the worm. Place bendable necks of straws at the bottom of the container).
an empty, cleaned 1-quart milk or orange juice carton to hold straws.
(The straws will fill up to the height of the container, the taller the better.)
1 package (6 ounces) raspberry or grape flavor gelatin
3 envelopes unflavored gelatin
3 cups boiling water
3/4 cup whipping cream
12 to 15 drops green food coloring
waxed paper

Directions

Combine gelatins in a bowl and add boiling water; stir until gelatins completely dissolve. Chill until lukewarm, about 20 min.
Meanwhile, gently pull straws to extend to full length; place in tall container. Wrap together with a loose rubber band to hold straws together.

Blend cream and food coloring with the lukewarm gelatin mixture. Carefully pour into container, filling straws.

Chill until gelatin is firm, at least 8 hours, or cover and chill up to 2 days.

Pull straws from container or, if you’re using a carton, simply tear the carton away from the filled straws. Pull straws apart. Run hot tap water for about 2 seconds over 3 to 4 straws at a time. Starting at the empty ends, push worms from straws with rolling pin, or use your fingers.

Lay worms on waxed paper-lined baking sheets. Cover and chill until ready to use, at least 1 hour or up to 2 days. Worms will hold at room temperature for about 2 hours.

Recipe submitted by MrsMim (from Key Ingredient)

Dr. Seuss’s “Take” On Obama

JS sent this 😉

I do not like this Uncle Sam,

I do not like his health care scam.

I do not like these dirty crooks,

or how they lie and cook the books.

I do not like when Congress steals,

I do not like their secret deals.

I do not like this speaker Nan ,

I do not like this ‘YES WE CAN’.

I do not like this spending spree,

I’m smart, I know that nothing’s free;

I do not like your smug replies,

When I complain about your lies.

I do not like this kind of hope.

I do not like it. Nope, nope, nope!

Coke of Happiness Machine

happiness from JC in Hawaii

In Honor of Stupid People

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.

On a Sears hairdryer — Do not use while sleeping.
(Darn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos — You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap — “Directions: Use like regular soap.”
(and that would be how???….)

On some Swanson frozen dinners — “Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
(But, it’s “just” a suggestion.)

On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) — “Do not turn upside down.”
(Well,…duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding — “Product will be hot after heating.”
(…and you thought????…)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron — “Do not iron clothes on body.”
(But wouldn’t this save me more time?)

On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine — “Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
(We could do a lo t to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid — “Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
(and…I’m taking this because???….)

On most brands of Christmas lights — “For indoor or outdoor use only.”
(As opposed to…what?)

On a Japanese food processor — “Not to be used for the other use.”
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious)

On Sainsbury’s peanuts — “Warning: contains nuts.”
(talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts — “Instructions: Open packet , eat nuts.”
(Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)

On a child’s Superman costume — “Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw — “Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals”
(Oh my!..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

-from DvS

juggler

police work & sea story

Compassionate Police Work

The Corpus Christi , Texas Police Department reports finding a man’s body in the Nueces River nearLabonte Park. The dead man’s name will not be released until his family has been notified. The victim apparently drowned due to excessive beer consumption. He was wearing black fishnet stockings , a red garter belt , a pink g-string, a strap-on dildo, purple lipstick and an ” Obama for President in 2008″ t-shirt. He also had a cucumber in his rectum.

The police removed the Obama t-shirt to spare his family any unnecessary embarrassment.

In spite of what we sometimes think, the Police do care.


Old Sea Story

There’s an old sea story in the Navy about a ship’s Captain who inspected his sailors, and afterward told the Chief Boatswain that his men smelled bad. The Captain suggested perhaps it would help if the sailors would change underwear occasionally.

The Chief responded, “Aye, aye sir, I’ll see to it immediately!”

The Chief went straight to the sailors berth deck and announced, “The Captain thinks you guys smell bad and wants you to change your underwear.” He continued, “Pittman, you change with Jones, McCarthy, you change with Witkowski, and Brown, you change with Schultz. Now GET TO IT!”

THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS:
Someone may come along and promise “Change”, but don’t count on things smelling any better.

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