the Religion of Redneck

the Future of Shopping

from ES


Keep This In Mind While Doing Cleanup Chores

Hot tip from ES!
(I didn’t check to see if this actually works or not.)

If you ever get the sudden Urge to run around naked,
You should sniff some Windex first.
It’ll keep you from streaking….

Indian farmers find a use for Corporate Cola

thanx, ES


Why our country is in trouble!

Let’s hope this isn’t really true!

Why our country is in trouble or why travel agents are stressed out.
A Washington, DC, airport ticket agent offers some examples of why our
country is in trouble!

1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her
hair wouldn’t get messed up by being near the window. (On an airplane!)

2. I got a call from a candidate’s staffer, who wanted to go to Cape town. I
started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information,
then she interrupted me with, “I’m not trying to make you look stupid,
but Cape town is in Massachusetts.” Without trying to make her look stupid, I
calmly explained, “Cape Cod is in Massachusetts, Cape town is in Africa.”
Her response – click.

3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we
did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was
expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that’s not possible, since
Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, “Don’t lie to me, I
looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state!” (OMG)

4. I got a call from a lawmaker’s wife who asked, “Is it possible to see
England from Canada?” I said, “No.” She said, “But they look so close on the
map.” (OMG, again!)

5. An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car
in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour
layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, “I
heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between
gates to save time.” (Ahhhh)

6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was
possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at

8:33 am. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she
couldn’t understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane
went fast, and she bought that.

7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, “Do airlines put your physical
description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?” I said,
“No, why do you ask?” She replied, “Well, when I checked in with
the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I’m overweight. I
think that’s very rude!” After putting her on hold for a minute (I was
laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT –
Fresno Air Terminal), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on
her luggage.

8. A Senator’s aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After
going over all the cost info, she asked, “Would it be cheaper to fly to
California, and then take the train to Hawaii?”

9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, “How do I
know which plane to get on?” I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he
replied, “I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these planes have
numbers on them.”

10. A lady Senator called and said, “I need to fly to Pepsi-Cola, Florida.
Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?” I asked if she
meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, “Yeah, whatever, smarty!”

11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed
in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he
needed a visa. “Oh, no I don’t. I’ve been to China many times and never had to have one of those.” I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, “Look, I’ve been
to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!”
Knowledge – priceless!)

12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, “I want to go
from Chicago to Rhino, New York.” I was at a loss for words. Finally, I
said, “Are you sure that’s the name of the town?” “Yes, what flights do you
have?” replied the lady. After some searching, I came back with, “I’m
sorry, ma’am, I’ve looked up every airport code in the country and can’t find
a Rhino anywhere.” The lady retorted, “Oh, don’t be silly! Everyone
knows where it is. Check your map!” So I scoured a map of the state of New York
and finally offered, “You don’t mean Buffalo, do you?” The reply? “Whatever!
I knew it was a big animal.”

Now you know why the Government is in the shape that it’s in!

-thanks, DvS!

Dear Taxpayer

Cc: recipient list not shown: ;
From: “”
Subject: Australian Taxation Office (ATO) refund
Date: Mon, 8 Feb 2010 20:02:25 -0500
X-Sent-To: [me, a US born, US citizen from conception]

Dear Taxpayer,

After the last annual calculations of your fiscal activity we have
determined that you are eligible to receive a tax refund of $650.90.

Please submit the tax refund request and allow us 6-9 days in order
to process it.

A refund can be delayed for a variety of reasons.
For example submitting invalid records or applying after the deadline.

To access your tax refund, use the form attached to this email.

Australian Taxation Office


Man Fatally Shoots Self While Teaching Girlfriend Lesson on Gun Safety

A Missouri man who was teaching his girlfriend about firearm safety on Friday pointed a gun at his head to prove a point and accidentally shot himself dead.

Given the name or the victim and the stupidity of the following incident, you’d almost think this story was made up.

Then again, it did occur in Jefferson County, Missouri.

Today Jeff-Co Sheriff Oliver “Glenn” Boyer reports that 40-year-old James Looney accidentally shot himself to death last Friday, September 18, while teaching his girlfriend a lesson on firearm safety.

The incident occurred in a residence in Imperial — about 20 miles south of St. Louis. According to witnesses, Looney’s teaching method involved him placing the gun to his head and asking his girlfriend if the gun would go off.

Looney apparently did this with two other firearms and varied safety mechanisms, before the last one actually fired into his head. He was transported to an area hospital, where he was pronounced dead the next morning.

And the kicker? Witnesses say Looney was going to take his girlfriend to the shooting range the next day, but insisted on firearm safety the day prior.

Jefferson County Sheriff’s Office
P.O. Box 100 – Hillsboro, MO 63050
Oliver “Glenn” Boyer, Sheriff

Sheriff Oliver “Glenn” Boyer reports that on 9-18-09, Sheriff’s Deputies responded to 4307 Rock Valley Court in Imperial, Missouri for an accidental shooting.

According to the investigation, the victim James Looney, W/M, age 40, an Imperial resident, was teaching his girlfriend firearm safety.

According to the witness, James Looney would show the different safety mechanisms, put the gun to his head, and ask if the gun would go off. Looney apparently did this with two other weapons and varied safety mechanisms, before the last one went off.

Looney was transported to an area hospital, where he was pronounced dead the next morning. According to witnesses, Looney was going to take his girlfriend to the shooting range the next day, but insisted on firearm safety the day prior.


-from the archives

A House that May Be Empty

TMZ live video stream, in LA: Land of the Nuts, Flakes and Fruitcakes