Blonde Motorist

A blonde woman motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.
The man walked up to her car and asked, “Are you going to San Diego?”

“Yes,” answered the blonde, “do you need a lift?”

“Not for me, thanks. I’ll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck.
My problem is I’ve got two chimpanzees in the back that have to go to the San Diego Zoo. They’re already stressed a bit, so I don’t want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I’ll give you $100 for your trouble.”

“I’d be happy to,” said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde’s car, carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was rolling through the heart of San Diego when he suddenly hit his brakes in disbelief. There was the blonde, walking down the street and holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a growing crowd. He pulled over and ran across the street to the blonde. “What the heck are you doing here?” he demanded, “I gave you $100 to take these chimpanzees to the zoo.”

“Yes, I know you did,” said the blonde,” but we had money left over—so now we’re going to Sea World.”

-DvS
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Diary of A Blonde’s Cookbook

MONDAY: It’s fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn’t dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.

WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can’t say it improved the rice any.

THURSDAY: Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.

FRIDAY: I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY: Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY: Tom’s folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk Tom into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with Chocolate Moose.

don’t forget your blonde friends

She was Soooooooo Blonde . .

  • She thought a quarterback was a refund.
  • She thought General Motors was in the army.
  • She thought Meow Mix was a CD for cats.
  • She thought Boyz II Men was a day care center.
  • At the bottom of an application where it says “Sign here:” she wrote “Sagittarius.”
  • She took the ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
  • She sent a fax with a stamp on it.
  • Under “education” on her job application, she put “Hooked On Phonics.”
  • She tripped over a cordless phone.
  • She spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice can because it said “Concentrate.”
  • She told me to meet her at the corner of “WALK” and “DON’T WALK.”
  • She tried to put M&M’s in alphabetical order.
  • She studied for a blood test.
  • She sold the car for gas money.
  • When she missed bus #44 she took bus #22 twice instead.
  • When she went to the airport and saw a sign that said, “Airport Left,” she turned around and went home.
  • When she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
  • She thought if she spoke her mind, she’d be speechless.
  • She thought that she could not use her AM radio in the evening.
  • She had a shirt that said “TGIF,” which she thought stood for “This Goes In Front.”
And finally……….
  • She thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

– from email archive