Philosophies of the Famous

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself
~~”Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.”
— Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered.
But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalog: ”
No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.”
— Eleanor Roosevelt

Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen.
I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement.
— Mark Twain

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending;
and to have the two as close together as possible.
— George Burns

Santa Claus has the right idea.
Visit people only once a year.
– – Victor Borge

Be careful about reading health books.
You may die of a misprint.
— Mark Twain

I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it.
— W.C. Fields

Don’t worry about avoiding temptation as you grow older, it will avoid you!
— Winston Churchill

Maybe it’s true that life begins at fifty,
but everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
— Phyllis Diller

By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step,
he’s too old to go anywhere.
— Billy Crystal

The cardiologist’s diet advise: If it tastes good, spit it out!

Give me a sense of humor, Lord;
Give me the grace to see a joke,
To get some  humor out of life,
And pass it on to other folk.